feel like this......

somedays i just sit and ponder. education is suppose to bring you to a supposed greater place in this world yet it feels so emotionless and i wonder often what the hell am i doing?

i feel like i am two people somedays, the creative one, the one who just wants to be and in being finding the answers to my soul searching questions and then there is the the other person, the smart one, the getting educated and upwardly mobile career oriented person. you would think all that wisdom could make it to the heart somehow.

i did shitty on my assignment, actually shitty is an understatement, he wouldn't even mark it and suggested i do it again and resubmit by monday.
how horrible can that be. writing is my strength but i guess this time i didn't bullshit enough.

so a decision needs to be made!!!shit i hate that!!!i don't even really know what it is i need to decide upon because i have clouded it all with the famous corporate frame of mind or is it that my mind is framed?

my head hurts

the sadness comes threw the earth
the days are short with little birth
the children smile endlessly
they can't believe what they see

the ancient gods of eden will come to be
they'll follow the star into the deep sea
where colour is left beyond the clouds
here they wait faithfully

the urn of their fathers
will crumble threw the water
of tears unshed
way beneath our bed of flowers

c. bergsma