so much has changed

i can't believe it's been over a year.........i started this blog on sept 13, 2004 and now being nostalgic i am here thinking ya, it's been a year and what have i done.

i remember 9/11 but i don't remember what year, i remember 9/11 because it's my friends birthday, i remember 9/11 because i couldn't function that day, i remember 9/11 because my boss invited us all to her house for an extended pizza lunch. to think, to ponder, to be together, to mourn, to grieve, to be greatful (that came after) to honor, and most importantly to change.

so how have i changed, well, i changed jobs in the last year. change can be good, change can be bad but all change somehow shapes us to be different. my new job has changed me in different ways, i am still who i am but i work a little more and i find value in things that i hadn't before.

thats good and thats not good.

i have been troubled for sure over the last twelve months. again wondering, ah, what the hell is going on!!!

this has no relevance to this post but i spoke to my father tonight, he mentioned how tall my 16 year old son is and i said i thought it odd that he is already 6 foot 3 but my father said no that's not odd my father was 6 foot 3 and i was surprised because my father is only 5 foot 5.

i thought that's stange, but then he told me he might very well have been taller expect he remembers being hungry during the war and thinks that maybe because he didn't get the nutrition he needed in his 12th year that maybe that affected his growth...................and now there is mcdonalds.

yes, this is turning into more of a rant than anything but i was thinking how sad to be 71 and still remember hunger. Have we not accomplished anything in all that time.

why do we still know hunger.

in peace

bella

this is.....

this is where i take my children when i can't breath anymore

this is what i want them to see

(this picutre was taken on my father's farm)

i can paralyze my pain

this photo is the "Pulitzer prize" winning photo taken in 1994 during the Sudan famine.
the picture depics a famine stircken child crawling toward a United Nations food camp,
located a kilometer away.
the vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat it.
the picture shocked the whole world.
no one knows what happend to the child,
including the photograper Kevin Carter who left the place as soon as the photo was taken.three months later he committed suicide due to depression.

thank you kevin carter

i am able to detach myself from the images that lay before
i am able to remove myslef from the world that is dying
can i compromise, can i improvise, can i paralyze your pain
i am able to forget the world, the children who are dying
and i am able to replace the thoughts of reality that lay before me
i can compromise, i can improvise, i can paralyze my pain
© bella